..just want the smile on my face for once to not be fake:/

You'd think because I have gone through alot off shit, that I wouldn't be able to feel like this. Empty. I feel as if I don't have a reason to live, everything is just crashing in, piling on top of each other.
Just wish I was me, not the person I am just now, the happy kirsty. The one who didn't care about anything and just kept her head up high and was proud to tell the truth as it was, now not so much. When people ask me stupid questions, I hesitate to answer. Wish I was just happy, do I not deserve it?